confused at heart
by love to read and read to write
Summary: it carries on from a month after jealousy. dru is the head of the order, graves is still missing and to top it all off she seems to be developing feelings for christophe. dru blooms, leaving her with questions to be answered and some very strange side affects. will she over come all this and find graves, and even if she does will she break his heart? its all down on dru. rated T/M.
1. Chapter 1

**ok, so this is my first fanfic so im really sorry if its absolutely dreadful. its set a month after jealousy and is probably heading towards a romance but the storyline can change depending on your views and reviews. i dont know how often i can upate but im hoping to update as much as i can. :D hope u like it. i own nothing but the plot even if i wish i owned more.**

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It had been a month since I'd become the head of the order, and life was pretty hard. I had to fulfil my duties as head of the order, look at the information about graves and to top it all off I did extensive training with Christophe. It may not sound like much but it's stressful as hell.

Today, like most days, was training mostly, apart from the hour of sorting through paper work that I had after lunch. I stood up from my desk and Benjamin, who was sleeping on the couch, shot up.

"Dru, Im so sorry, I must have zoned" I laughed at the look on his face.

"Fell asleep more like, and don't worry, you don't need to apologise, and anyway I do have to learn how to do this stuff for myself sometime"

"I guess so" he mumbled. I headed over to the door stopping to see why he hadn't followed.

"Ben?" I asked. He looked nervous to some degree. "is there something wrong?" he snapped out of his train of thought looking back at me. "Oh, um… I have something I need to do. Christophe will be waiting for you and Im sure you can get down two corridors without being attacked"

He smiled, making a joke of it. I knew something was up, he'd been like this all week, but not wanting to press him further about it I Okayed him and headed off to the gym to meet Christophe.

I walked along the corridor and turned down left, I could see the gym door from here, I liked the school like this. Everyone else was in lessons so I was alone in the corridor. I was lost in my thought of finally getting a moment alone instead of having my guards hovering round me when it hit me.

A wave of nausea rolled over me making me gasp and fall to my knees. A cramp like clench hit my stomach and my senses went into overload. The smells, the sights the sounds all amplified to the point of intense pain. It sat there like that for about a minute and was about to shout for Christophe when, just as soon as it had come, it was gone.

I got up, waiting for a moment to make sure I was alright and then quickly hurried up the corridor to the gym.

I walked into the gym Christophe was leaning against a wall smiling to him self.

"What's made you so happy?" I asked

"Nothing, _moj maly ptaszku, _you ready?" I looked around the gym, normally id be fighting one of my guards, usually Benjamin or Leon, but none of them were in here today, "but who am i…" the question stopped there as he smiled at me.

"I promise I'll go easy on you"

my smile plummeted. Shit.

I was going to be fighting, against christophe.

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**hope u liked it, plz Re view!. btw: i will make the next chapters longer. :D. peace out.**


	2. Chapter 2

**so, here's the second chapter. so sorry for the long wait, it just took me a while to go over it to make sure it was right. i had my sis go over it to check it but if you do notice any mistakes please point them out. constructive critisism is welcome. i hope u like it, im not sure if the title's gonna fit it anymore but it is what it is. please review. :D oh and i forgot on the last one but i own nothing but the plot.**

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Dodge, kick, punch, dodge, dodge, punch. My god, christophe was amazing, I was already tired and he wasn't even trying.

We were a few minutes into the fight and yes, I was good, but Christophe was a lot better and had the upper hand almost all of the time. Meaning I was probably going to be black and blue tomorrow, even though he wasn't exerting a lot of force.

I hadn't bloomed yet so I was obviously a lot slower and weaker and my sickness spell had taken its toll, but I was putting up a good fight. I narrowly avoided a punch and backed off, he followed suit, watching me carefully.

We stayed like that for what seemed like ages, circling each other, waiting for an opening. The temperature in the room shot miles high as our eyes locked. Christophe pulled off his sweater in one solid movement and oh, god, he was completely perfect. His toned muscles and body shape flexed beautiful as he studied me.

Dammit Dru, the voice in my head said, you're in a fight, you can't get distracted like this. But I was, and he knew it too, even if he didn't know that he was my distraction. All I could do was stare at him, the need and want I felt rearing its head for a moment before I reined it all in. but it was too late. Id dropped my guard slightly and he had seen it.

He latched onto the opening and attacked in a sequence of blurry moves that ended up with him landing on top of me pinning my arms to the ground above my head, using them to hold himself off me. He looked at me for a moment, his eyes full of intense emotion. God, I thought. H smell was so intoxicating that he was driving me crazy.

Christophe leant down towards me, his mouth centimetres away from mine. My breath shortened as I felt his torso press up against me. Emotion filled his crystal eyes for a mere second before he closed them quickly. He pulled back to his original position, but I could still feel his gaze, full of emotion, as his eyes wandered over my face.

"Dru, _mój mały ptak,_ you let yourself get distracted. You can't do that in a fight, it could the difference between living and me losing you." He sighed and let me sit up to face him "You're getting really close to blooming so we'll only do one more round but you have to promise me you'll concentrate Dru, promise"

I looked up, my cheeks flushed as my eyes wandered him. "Promise" I half whispered as attempted to banish all thoughts of him looking like he did from my mind.

He stood up and helped me up, the room had grown from hot to unbearably hot and it seemed to be shifting, getting up I felt a bit sick too. Crap, I realised, it was happening again.

Christophe looked at me worriedly "Dru, are you alright?" I was about to answer when I stumbled and would have face planted the mat if he hadn't of caught me against his chest. Oh, god, his bare chest.

He held onto me but it didn't do much help other than re-orientate me. The feeling of his skin on mine was so overwhelming and his apple pie and cinnamon scent was so intense it was crazy.

Once he let go of me I stood up, the dizziness returning as soon as his hand left my arm. He looked at me, his eyes doing all the asking.

"Im fine" I assured him "it's just a dizzy spell" Christophe's expression said he wasn't so sure but he trusted me and took his place on his side of the mats.

I walked over to my side, knowing that if I somehow managed to get through this fight without collapsing I would be able to run to my room and lock myself in for a few hours while it passed.

All hope of that went out the window as the sickness hit me. My eyes must have shown panic at what I knew was coming next as Christophe was by my side in an instant catching me as I fell to the ground in pain.

My body contorted with pain and it felt like I was on fire. Christophe cradled me in his arms pulling me against him as wave after wave of burning pain hit me, each one worse than the last.

I could hear Christophe shouting something and I knew more people were coming but all I could focus on was me, the pain and Christophe. He whispered phrases to me in my ear as tears rolled down my cheeks.

I could feel his body pressing up against me, comforting me as if trying to ease as much pain as it could.

"Christophe" I managed to groan out. other people had surrounded us by now but were strangely giving us a wide berth. His face pressed to mine, his nose to my cheek and my nose to his. He gently held me through the pain as it got worse and worse.

I could feel the blackness reaping my mind even before it started to eat my vision. I started panicking, just breathing in Christophe to calm myself down. My vision dimmed and I muttered something unknown to me as unconsciousness started to control my mind.

The last I knew before I went under was that Christophe was holding me, with his apple pie and cinnamons coated breathe filling my lungs. We were nose to nose and he was looking at me with love, care and worry in his eyes and just before I slipped away I heard him whisper to me.

"_Kocham Cię_, Dru. _Kocham cię tak bardzo. _Im here for you Dru, and Im never letting you go. I Promise."

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**my thanks to: ****carlz19, skylight reality and youngandhopeful for being my first three reviewers. also thanks to everyone else who reviewed. hope you liked chapter 2 and chapter 3 will be up as soon as possible. peace out! :D**


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